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About midlifecrisis

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  1. Hello friends, Not sure if this is the right place to post this - moderators please move/delete it, if found not appropriate. I used to be a regular at here in the forum, up until few months back, but have created a new log in id to be able to remain anonymous, hope u guys will understand after reading through my issues. Right, where to start, I have been thinking about writing this here for a very long time, but just didn't get around doing it until today. I am Consultant Psychiatrist, in my late 30's. Married for 10 years, have got beautiful kids who I love to bits. 5 years into our marriage, me and my partner kinda felt, we were missing the passion and togetherness we used to have when we first got married, but happily continued with life as a lot of other things were happening around us as a family. I always felt, she was a bit over possessive with me as she didn't like me being around other females. even if it's common friends wife or sisters. I am not a go-after-girls type of guy or a female pleaser, but seems to attract and able to make good conversations with females (also with males too), all through out my life. I have moved myself away from good friends, coz of this as I thought it will keep our relationship at peace. anyway, last year Summer, I met a girl whilst I was at a friends place( she just happened to be there whilst I was there), and we kind of clicked on - so well that we exchanged numbers and kept in touch with each other, she's not from the same town, but we still managed to try meet up, may be once every month or so, have a cuppa or a meal in town, and just talk. She's a divorced girl, around the same age as my wife, with 2 kids, around the same age as our kids. She is a fulltime working, single mom and I have now met her kids as well. All this time, I have kept this female, a secret from my wife, as I felt, if she found out about this girl, she would not approve of it, considering her behavior towards my attitude towards females. Trust me guys, I don't have anything bad, and nothing sexual about this other female, but found out that, I could sit and chat to her for long hours, without being judgmental about anything in specific. we kind of felt that we are like soul mates, and was able to tell each other a lot of things which I would hesitate to tell/ discuss with my wife. I have made excuses and stayed back at the hospital after work, so that I could just have a chat with her. Anyway, she now has a boyfriend ( she's been divorced for nearly 7 years, and had known this bloke for 4 years now) and when we met last year, it was a time, they had a break up over something. Now that he is in her life, we chat less, but still manage to keep in touch. we both have an understanding that, we could tell each other things, we can't tell our partners. It was her B'day 2 months back and I sent her some flowers, which my wife later found out - she went through my phone and mails, without my knowledge, and found out about the flowers and a few chat messages we had exchanged and accused me of cheating on her. I have never cheated on my wife, but then having a friend like this behind her back, can also be classified as cheating. She now accuses me of sleeping with her and doing a lot of other nasty things, which she kinda of made up from her imagination. But my life is in a complete mess, the last 2 months - there is not even a single day we haven't fought becoz of this, coz whenever we are face to face, she brings something up and takes it to a whole new level and I respond to it, and the fight starts. we used to have fights in front of the kids and now we both have agreed, we won't do it in front of the kids - so wait until they go to bed. I have had sleepless nights becoz of this and go to work, tired. I am making silly mistakes at work these days, like not always going through my dictated letters before signing it off or my mind wandering off whilst I am at meetings, or at ward rounds or even whilst interviewing patients. the other woman, is aware of all this, and at one point, I was going to make my wife meet her, but then decided against it, as I don't see it going anywhere positive. my wife has had very strong words to our common friend, where I met this girl last year, accusing him to set me up with this girl,and accusing me of sleeping with her and all that, and he's assured her that nothing like that would have ever happened, as he knows both of us really well. she just cannot understand I was keeping a good healthy, non sexual kind of relationship with this other woman, and will not forgive me for keeping her a secret all this time. This has affected our relationship, beyond repair and I don't really know where we are going with this. the other woman is aware of all this and has voluntarily backed off, we do still talk once in a while when time permits, and she has been very much understanding with all this. I still like to be her friend, and she still wants to keep me as a friend, but we have decided to take a break from each other, coz of what's going on in my life. my wife has made me to delete whats ap, viber and I am not allowed to be active on fb or any other social medias. I feel like a tied up dog, and she makes threat to do something to herself and the kids if I ever meet up with this other girl. I don't have any intentions to do that any more, but just feel - I am at loss and my life a complete mess. I am on a timer all the time, I have to be home at a certain time every day, no matter what, and every calls are monitored by her to make sure I am not keeping in touch with her in anyway. If I get home like more than 10 mins late one day, that will be more than enough for her to start a fight for that day. Just wanted to say this to somebody for a very long time, but don't know how it will help Sorry about my long rambling mail, but any thoughts guys??