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Gurpal posted a topic in EntertainmentTop 10 funniest jokes 1. Nick Helm – “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” 2. Tim Vine – “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.” 3. Hannibal Buress – “People say ‘I'm taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works.” 4. Tim Key – “Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought ... once you've hired the car ...” 5. Matt Kirshen – “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess.” 6. Sarah Millican – “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.” 7. Alan Sharp – “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.” 8. Mark Watson – “Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.” 9. Andrew Lawrence – “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.” 10. DeAnne Smith – “My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin.” The best of the worst: 1. Tim Vine – “Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.” 2. Vladimir McTavish – “The Lockerbie bomber put Lockerbie on the map, well he nearly took it off it too.” 3. Josh Howie – I've got nothing against the Chinese. Don't get me Wong. 4. Card Ninja – “I went to see this show and the guy said ‘Hey kid do you like magic?’ And I said ‘Yeah!’ So he asked if I wanted to see a trick and I said ‘Yeah!’ So he said ‘think of a number, times it by 2 and if it’s odd ...’ Oh no, he's a MATHmagician! “ 5. Tom Webb – “Due to the economy, profiteroles will now be called deficiteroles.” 6. Nathan Caton – “Postcode wars? That sounds like a really shit BBC game show.” 7. Andrew Bird – “My wife’s eating for two. She’s not pregnant, just schizophrenic.” 8. Mark Olver – “During my first murder I was like a dyslexic having my back teeth removed ... losing my morals.” 9. Andrew O’Neill – “A song for the colour blind: “And I think to myself ... why did I become a bomb disposal expert?” The worst joke Veteran entertainer Paul Daniels won the wooden spoon for the worst joke of the festival. He won the dubious honour for his gag: "I said to a fella 'Is there a B&Q in Henley?' He said 'No, there's an H, an E, an N an L and a Y'."